Nothing To Prove…

When I was younger, I used to get teased…a lot.  I was teased for being fat, I was teased for being weird, and I was teased because of my name.  Contrary to popular belief, popularity hasn’t always reigned as a strong suit in my life.

My biggest inhibition came in my skin color.  Being called ‘dark’ or ‘blackie’ was a constant in my younger life.  I had been referred to in that manner for so long that after a while, I began to believe that there was something wrong with me, simply because my skin was dark.

For a long time, well into my late teens, I lived with shame and guilt because I was not the smallest, or prettiest, or lightest girl in the bunch.  I remember looking at certain girls in school in awe, because I was convinced that the reason those girls were considered pretty was because of their bodies, their looks, and in some cases, because of their skin color.  What I didn’t even realize is that those girls I was admiring from afar had discovered the ‘secret’:  They believed they were the shit…Even if no one else did.

I am almost ashamed to say this, but I am JUST coming into my own when it comes to being comfortable with who I am, not only internally, but externally.  I have come to realize that I am, have always been, and unless something drastic happens, will always be a plus-sized woman.  And that’s okay.  In my eyes, as long as my health is up to par, than the rest of it can go to hell! I am just now learning that my size and skin color are only pieces of me and don’t define who I am as a woman or as a person.

With this revelation, I made the decision to stop shaming myself.  I decided to stop depriving myself of things I deserve or want to do, just because I felt like I was less than.  I decided that I was going to work harder in being the best me by owning the parts of me I love and changing the parts I don’t.  I decided to revel and celebrate in the phrase, ‘I am enough!’

Please don’t be confused,   This is not just another post about confidence or self-acceptance.  It’s a post about having a full understanding of the reality in which YOU can live. If you were anything  like me, the fat, black a** chick with the funky name that could be altered into a million monikers, the you can understand the confusion and abashment that’s felt in the residue of someone else’s ignorance.  It took me a while, but I FINALLY realized that my being fat or dark-skinned does not take away or change the fun, loving, sincere, loyal, dependable, trustworthy, hard-working, dedicated, God-fearing woman that I am.

What’s your shame? What’s the one thing that you are afraid to show/share/wear/be because of what somebody has said to you? Or maybe because of what you have said to yourself? Think about it one last time, because the buck stops right here… In other words, the shame stops TODAY!

From this moment on, we will no longer allow naysayers and their ‘rules’ dictate who we are or who we should be.  We will see ourselves for the beautiful women that we are and let THAT be the end all, be all. And it’s not because someone said so, but because it IS so!!

At the end of the day, the only person you can be is YOU. Why not be the best ‘you ‘that you can be? I know I am….

maya angelou

{R.I.P}

Ciao for now….

 

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