The other day I was watching an episode of ‘Iyanla’s Fix My Life‘, with the story of the blogging group Six Brown Chicks’.  If you don’t know, ‘SBC’ is a group of six African-American women bloggers, who got together and started a sex and relationship blog geared toward women of color.  Egotistical and trust issues spread throughout the group, causing the group to disband and in turn, they ended up on the show for help on rebuilding their relationships with one another.

In this show, there were a number of ‘A-ha moments’ for me, because as of late, I have been questioning my purpose in blogging, friendships, relationship, my job, myself..Basically, my life as a whole. I have been on a quest for truth and understanding within myself to figure out exactly what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I know that I have been granted many gifts and talents, but I have been left to wonder, what exactly am I supposed to do with them?

I have to admit… When I started my blog, it was simply a past time…Something to feed the creativity that was stifled by the confines of work, life, my own limitations, etc. … But after watching this episode, I am learning that my purpose in this is so much more.  I’m slowly {but surely!} coming to the realization that this is more than a blog; it’s a responsibility.  A responsibility to my readers who, for whatever reason,  look to me for ideas, advice, suggestions and guidance.  Although this is a creative space for me to share my thoughts and words I have to be mindful, not necessarily with what I say because sista girl is going to speak her mind REGARDLESS, but with the messages and content that I put out.  It is also my responsibility to LIVE the words that I share.  It doesn’t mean a hill of beans to encourage someone to go out on a limb to pursue more if I haven’t or won’t do it.  I believe that in order for me to be respected and revered, I have to ‘show and prove’ that I am capable and believe the words that I am saying.

Another ‘A-ha’ moment I had was in the end, an elder told one of the SBC’s to ‘Serve with joy, enthusiasm, and excellence’.  I am guilty of projecting an attitude of ‘obligation’ when I serve.  Whether at work or at home, if it’s something that I don’t necessarily feel like doing at the time, I will do it, but rest assured, EVERYBODY is going to know that I am not happy to do it!  My service is not coming from a pure or joyful place and I have to work on that.  I have to learn how to humble myself to the point that I realize that each opportunity to plant a seed of love or goodness in someone’s life is a gift and a blessing and should be treated as such.  The last thing I want is to come off ungrateful or unhappy, especially when i’m in a position to help others.

The last thing I took away from that episode was when another elder said to ‘Stand in integrity so tall, that others HAVE to look up to you!’ How POWERFUL is that statement? Again, I haven’t done the best job in exuding integrity.  There are some instances where I waiver or allow others to take me out of my character to the point that my behavior is not so honorable.  I believe that may come with some of confidence issues, because sometimes I do, say, or act in a manner that I believe is ‘expected’ of me and not necessarily in being my true self.  Not with the intent of being phony, more so with the intent of being accepted.   I am learning and understanding that no matter what I am always on life’s ‘stage’.  There are others who look to me and look AT me and in order for me to lead, I have to saturate myself in truth, integrity, confidence and devotion.

With all of this, I have also learned that it is time to move forward in my dreams and goals.  Nothing excites me more than to see others moving forward in ambitions, but honestly, there are times when sadness and jealousy overshadows that.  It’s timeout for looking from the sidelines…I’m ready to suit up and get in the game!

I don’t like to use the word ‘never’, so I won’t, but at this point in my life, my chances of meeting Iyanla are slim to none, however, I want to thank her for listening to the call that was placed over her life and walking in her purpose.  Her course direction allowed us to cross paths through digital media and without that outlet, she would have never reached my heart and I would have never had this realization.  So, to her, I say thank you…And to you all, I say Watch out!! 🙂

Ciao for now…

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